Thought the Da Vinci Code was Terrible?

Then you'll *love* these mocking tributes to Dan Brown's popular and completely unreadable stack of (toilet) paper.

The O'Keeffe Enigma

Becca, a hiply attractive, postfeminist "Goth grrrl" and part-time bookstore employee, accidentally discovers a shattering secret while stocking books at a Borders megastore in Sacramento. During a quiet moment of messing around with those "magic eye" books, she turns to gaze, by chance, at a Georgia O'Keeffe calendar resting on a shelf nearby. What she discovers hidden within one of O'Keeffe's famous flower paintings shocks her, and, if revealed to the public, could initiate a series of ideological tremors that will rock American culture to its core.

Art historians and feminist critics have long believed O'Keeffe's portraits of flowers to be thinly coded expressions of independent, unapologetic female sexuality; but Becca has discovered that hidden within one of O'Keeffe's iconic irises is the disturbing image of a decidedly nonsensual and matronly Betty Crocker whipping up a batch of hungry-boy biscuits for her newspaper-reading, pipe-smoking husband. What strange message is O'Keeffe sending to the future with this image?

More at the Chronicle [registration may be required], such as:

The Michelangelo Mystery

Antonio, a dashing but unassuming apprentice curator for the Vatican's vast art holdings, one morning accidentally wipes a bit too hard while cleaning the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel and discovers a shocking secret: It appears that Michelangelo, in his first draft of the image of God creating Adam, did not depict the two figures gently touching fingers, but rather giving each other enthusiastic high-fives.

And three cheers for finally moving Reagan below the fold.